Tonight I was feeding the horses as dusk came and I remembered a little over 5 years ago when I was trying to live in an unliveable situation: In a shack on a hill without heat, without propane, no stove at all, no fridge, no water heater, electricity to 2 outlets (and water, at least there was running water..), a tarp for most of the roof (and it was winter) where rain POURED in and would fill up 8 muck buckets in 2 hours.... Anyway, I would look at houses around in the evening as I fed my horses back then (their roofs did NOT leak) and watch the neighbor's lights glow from inside through windows. It felt so scary and I would sit on the floor and cry, holding my little dog. Then I would fix her supper, then mine (on a hot plate). I heated water in a bucket with a cylinder water heater (from the tack shop) and took "bucket baths"... So, tonight, I remembered that time that strengthened me and it weakened me. One night we had 92 mile per hour gusts that made it too dangerous to leave in a car and I had to stay put, praying. We survived. I learned just how much I loved my horses and my dogs. I had a neighbor call the sheriff on me (and on other neighbors) regularly; another neighbor call me "trash" in a comment to a friend.
Can you just imagine how grateful and grateful and grateful I am to have my precious little farm now with a man who really loves me and horses who need me and dogs that I adore! And, unbelievable as it may seem, after I left the shack on the hill, I ended up in Arizona to help at a horse rescue where the management hated me! So, I worked in the fields of an organic herb farm commune for room and board; came back to NM to help a friend with cancer caretake her horse farm, then ended up at a farm where the owner berated me one minute and was friendly the next... in total "melt down", I held on to my dream for Dharmahorse, found a business advisor and an incredible realtor who went above and beyond to get us into this (to me!) incredible place.
I have had $73 to my name; I left Arizona in an old (really old) Jeep with everything I had in the world stuffed into and top of it - during a hail storm! And got to NM to discover that my tires had been recalled because they would blow out for no reason! I was protected always, cherished by the Universe is what it feels like. My little dog has been through all of it with me. I'm sure that she held me together dozens of times! - So, I thank her and my friends and my family, because I'm just so glad I never gave up on my life (and I sure thought about it at more than one point). And to anyone who reads this - hang on! You never know what good may be right around the corner.
